It hurts me

No matter how many time i told myself not to think of you any more but it seems that i cant do it. Every time i saw you, you always had this smile on your face. For me, a single smile can make me happy for a whole day. Ever since we had the dance for the performance of the senior's graduation dinner i had fall for you. Every movement of yours, the smile on your face, your eyes, you hand's temperature just keep on surrounding me. On that night i do really enjoy myself on performing with you. When i am nervous you cheer me up. That night i do really feel my heartbeat can beat so fast when i am standing in front of you starring on your eyes. Your eyes are so beautiful, it looks like a star that can talk. The gentlemen that i missed a lot. Some times i do ask myself am i becoming crazy for him. Ya the answer is yes. The more days i had not seeing him it make me feel empty.The way he treat me on that night is totally different. He is the first boy in my life that actually dancing with me after all these year people keep laughing at me because of my body size. I just wished that night wont end. Make it became a dream that will never wake up. In my growing life i don'd recall that i had cry for a boy before, but i broke my record for the first time. I cry for him once and the second time. This secret i had keep and i just mention to my best friend about it. She say its okay to cry but not more that once. The first time i cry for him is because i know he just make me a friend , the second time i had cry because i did not support me at that time. The presentation on that day really sucks. I had ask for the help of the other group it came out that they just care for themself. The pressure in my heart really just burst out when the presentation is over. They know to ask the stage for using in the presentation but they just keep on taking advantage on me. The first time ever i cry because of him and the assignment. That day i drove back home with two bars of tears. I came down from my car and straightly went upstairs to look for my mom. I huge my mom straightly i saw her. She was so surprising that i was crying in her huge. Mom , thanks for everything that you had given and support to me. I Love You, mom. And i will never let you down. Although he did say that he just don't feel like having a girlfriend now but i don really want him to know I really Like Him so much more that the feeling of friend.

Twilight Soundtrack[Flightless Bird, American Mouth]

I wish this will come true

In the way of a lot of people look at me with those eyesight give me creeps but i am not afraid of them it just have these uncomfortable feeling. Last year, i meet him. But that time i just have these friends feeling to him but time pass by, my classmate make fun of me and him.It make feel embarrass in front of him. In the same time , i got this feeling like i had never had before.Although i am not sure what kind of feeling is this.Sometimes it just make me feel like want to smile without joke.He is kind of funny guy and the thing we like are almost the same. Maybe because we are the only people that can chat in chinese in that place. Sometime i just like to look at his smilling face.Its kind of fascinating to me. The way he talk to me and the way he laugh keeps on bugging me all the time.I wish the feeling inside me are the right feeling. I am 20 years old this year i wish that i wont celebrate the next birthday alone again. although i got friends celebrating with me but i still feeling lonely. The happiness of friends and lover is different. This year birthday i was celebrating with my classmate and not with him. I wish his coming birthday will be celebrating in a great time.Happy Birthday to him on the 18th of this month.Wish you all the best.

It has been one year i din't not touch my blog. Some times i do feel like being played like a fool in front of ever one.I do wish that i could go some where else to let go all my stress.Sometime when you are the youngest and alone you feel like being pushed around doing thing for the others. Oh God , i wish they relies that not everyone would help them to get what they want.People just like to pushed the dirty job to you and never look back. And at last you are the one who get blame for all the wrong. They just keep pointing their finger to you. Those people who thinks that every thing must come to them easily and the people who help them were left for dead. Unfair society make the world getting worst and worst. I am not try to blame them for their behavior, just may God be beside them all the time. Or else they will just like the other being bully people. In a family, these problem were more even worst then in the society. Family members, they know each others and these is the way to start to get what they want and ask the favor more and more. But sometimes when the one who is being pushed like this shout out their pain. I think i don't have to say that words out.

friends

It has been a while that i din't write my blog.I started to missed all my friends, not just secondary school friends but all my friends from my childhood friend until my secondary school friends.Oh God, I wish that i have time to spend with all my friends.Suddenly i missed him more then any other friends, not because he is my lover but he is like a brother to me. He is my childhood friend , we went to the same school since 4 years old but until the Year 6 . But after that we has separate to continue our life.That was until my 12 years old memory.I wish to see him again but it is quite difficult because after the UPSR we went to different school. And now already passed 7 years we did not contact with each other and we both has lost the contact number. Oh God please give me more time to let it go.I don't know when we will see each other again maybe we still see other after many years later or maybe not. Now just let God make the decision. Yes or no, who know? Life has been many changes, that time we are just 12 years old now we are 19 years old. But lucky my brother were still get the contact of his brother.Maybe 1 day we will meet each other again but the situation will be a bit different from what we expected.

Now a days, i am been very busy on my homework. And i get the complain from many people. Because of my homework i can't go out with them, then i get those complain again and again. They think every come easy but does they have ever think that thing come easy and go easy. Sometimes i really want to cry because of they don't understand my situation.But i told my self no mater what happen i will not give up my studies although they make all those complain to me but i will not cry.Not just to let them know i am strong i can handle everything well, but to tell them if you don't ever try to understand other people situation and keep complaining you will lose the friend of yours. Try to think from other people situation maybe thing will be different. The differences between you and other people is just a wall between you and them, if you ever want thing change to be better it is depend on how far you willing to find out.

My friends always ask me why i don't want to have a boyfriend, this question always border me a lot. No because i don't want but they way people treat me is not the same way that you all have been treat. If you guys ever remember when i was in Sentosa then maybe you all may think it in other way. The things that has happen when in secondary school it takes some times to let it go. The way they treat me is worst, you are not me you won't understand. All the thing that comes to you comes easy but mine i always need to work so hard to get it to my hand. Thing don't comes easy for me, and i guess that makes me more stronger to face everything.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

It has been a while i did not post a new blog. It has been a very difficult week for me to cope with my assignment , it is also getting less and less time for me to chatting with my friends even when i log in. But there also no people want to chat with me since i have a fight with HIM even he is online. But a little while later he came up and ask me weather want to go out for movies with the others but i was busy so i say no . He din't say anything but i guess i know what is in his mind. Maybe somewhere in his mind were scolding me that because i cannot go out with them. I know i have been missed a lot of chance that are be able to see them again. Of course i wish to see you guys again but this wasn't my fault not coming out to see. I wish that you can understand my difficulty to see you all again. I dont blame you so scolding but i am asking to understand it.

I AM SICK TODAY

Sometimes i do want to rest but the works in my hand could not finish at all.I wish someone can help me with this. My friends always ask me to go out to have tea with them but my assginment still haven't finish so i tell them i cannot go , and he say this to me: i always got excuss not to go out to have tea with them and say that next time they would't ask me again . What kind of friends is this, he think that i will always be free to go out .He did not know that what kind of life while you are studying college.Ya, he is now working sure got time to go out for tea. He did not think for me , the place i stay are very far from them so sure after thet have tea sure can go back so fast .He did not think of my safety. How could he say this to me. Now i would never speak to him anymore.....I MEAN IT .DONT THINK I AM A FOOL .YOU ARE SO SELFFISH